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  • Get off Tax Free

  • 19th April 2011

  • Did you get your tax free ISA set up at the beginning of the new financial year, April 6th? If not you could be missing out on the chance to make tax free income on savings of up to five thousand three hundred and forty pounds during the financial year and with ISA savings accounts offering relatively generous interest in the region of three per cent that five thousand three hundred and forty will bring you in around over one hundred and fifty pounds. I know it doesn’t sound a fortune but given the terrible rates available to savers –...

  • Get off Tax Free continues here

  • Wemberley! Wemberley!

  • 18th April 2011

  • Should both of the football association cup semi finals be held at the new Wembley stadium? Doesn’t it degrade the glamour of the cup to have the semis played there, taking the shine off the final? If the final is to be something special – a potentially once in a lifetime experience for a football fan, something they will never forget then surely you need to have just the final played there?

    I was also thinking about the Manchester fans (though a cynic will say holding the Manchester ‘derby’ semi final at Wembley will have made it easier for United’s fans...

  • Wemberley! Wemberley! continues here

  • Ole Lucy!

  • 15th April 2011

  • It was clear that Lucy no longer had any use for me, at least as a potential sexual partner. She genuinely wanted to be friends and I had to respect her honesty. Lucy pulled away from me and removed her clothes, allowing my eyes to linger on her curves, my disappointment hidden but not too well. She then leapt into the sea and joined Miguel in the water. I slunk back to my corner of the boat and pretended not to look but I couldn’t help myself and surreptitiously I observed the couple as they entwined arms and legs and...

  • Ole Lucy! continues here

  • Lucy 4

  • 14th April 2011

  • It wasn’t to work out that way and Lucy amply demonstrated the veracity of her position when I bumped into her near the harbour a day later. She was with another guy, a young man of perhaps twenty seven or twenty eight. Lucy suggested we all get a beer and during the conversation over drinks Lucy suggested we all go out on the boat. I was unsure what to say. If she was with this other guy – his name was Miguel, he was Spanish and had the body, six pack included, of a professional sportsman - then there was...

  • Lucy 4 continues here

  • Lucy and the Med 3

  • 13th April 2011

  • I took all of this as the sign that I needed to make my inevitable move on the luscious, sexy, wild and free spirit Lucy. I climbed the ladder back onto the boat and then I helped Lucy, reaching down to give her a hand but as she stepped on to the boat I pulled her close and began kissing her forcefully. Lucy returned my ardour and soon we were kissing passionately, our tongues competing to devour the other. I pulled Lucy down on top of the deck and she lay there, a spectacular vision of soft and yielding flesh....

  • Lucy and the Med 3 continues here

  • Lucy in the Med 2

  • 12th April 2011

  • I made a lame joke about having to stop meeting like this unless we had private healthcare and risked suggesting we get a coffee somewhere. She agreed and so we began to get to know each other better. Lucy was on her own, her friend (who had worked as a visiting escort in Sandy) had met someone and abandoned her without any compunction. She didn’t mind as she was enjoying ‘finding herself’, though she had gotten a bit lonely the night before. Cue my chance to offer to take her out for a meal that evening.

    But instead one thing led...

  • Lucy in the Med 2 continues here

  • Lucy in the Med part 1

  • 11th April 2011

  • The sailboat drifted aimlessly across the blue waters of the warm Mediterranean Sea. The voluminous sails were withdrawn, the motor silent. The pristine white profile of the vessel reflected the sun and light danced and sparkled across the clean lines of the boat. Lucy lay across my lap, her fingers brushed the surface of the sea. Surfer girl Lucy, my latest love, a wild bohemian spirit backpacking across Europe enjoying spirited, wild adventures as she travelled and I was her latest fling.

    It had been a long time since I had been in the company of a woman. Following a divorce...

  • Lucy in the Med part 1 continues here

  • Conspiracy Theory

  • 10th April 2011

  • Why do people consider you to be some kind of freak or lunatic if you believe in conspiracy theories? Personally I think this is in itself a conspiracy. Clearly the best way to conceal a conspiracy is to ridicule anyone who might pose any difficult questions? So, the conundrum, the riddle, the puzzle, the Gordian knot of proving a conspiracy theory begins with having to get past this clever hurdle first of all before anyone will countenance listening to your arguments, even if they are the most cogent, well thought out and solid ideas.

    I was watching the movie...

  • Conspiracy Theory continues here

  • Stars in my eyes

  • 5th April 2011

  • What is the fascination with Katie Price, otherwise known as Jordan? Now I know what you’re thinking. He’s writing about her, right? And if he’s writing about her he’s just one of the many twitterers and bloggers that keep her name in Cyberspace and so there is an irony in asking a question which in itself would propagate the question? Mmmmm. My point is, what has she done except a sex tape, and a not very good one at that.

    I haven’t seen too many celebrity sex tapes. I watched the Paris Hilton one, ‘One night in Paris’ and the only...

  • Stars in my eyes continues here

  • It'll be alright on the white!

  • 31st March 2011

  • In “The Man in the White Suit” made in nineteen fifty one Alec Guinness plays brilliant scientist Sidney Stratton who stumbles across a new type of fabric, one that will never need cleaning. However, rather than welcome the technology both management and workers see it as a threat to jobs and profits, and try to block its use.

    The science fiction of this story seems to be getting increasingly closer to fact as the years pass. In the papers at the weekend there was a story about a new fabric which completely eradicates sweat. The fabric features various membranes or layers,...

  • It'll be alright on the white! continues here

  • Kit-ty phone home

  • 28th March 2011

  • Aliens exist and they are cat like creatures I can exclusively confirm today. Stock up on cat litter, milk and whiskers because when these extra terrestrials trip into town the only way to save yourself is to be prepared as my old scout master used to say...

    Air traffic controllers in Yakutsk, near Siberia in Eastern Russia, reported hearing a meow like sound emanating from an unidentified flying object flying at speeds in excess of six thousand miles per hour and travelling at a height of sixty four thousand nine hundred feet. After the craft appeared on the radar screens one...

  • Kit-ty phone home continues here

  • Budget Blues

  • 24th March 2011

  • And so it’s that time of year again, no not my annual birthday sex party but the budget. When I was younger I used to avoid listening to stuff like this like the plague but now, older and not much wiser I understand just how much George Osborne’s speech will matter to so many millions of people up and down the country. In days of yore one would listen out for how much the tax was going up on fags and booze, petrol and value added tax but the ramifications now are so huge that there will no doubt be...

  • Budget Blues continues here

  • Eat Yourself Thin

  • 21st March 2011

  • Many of us are desperate to lose weight and we will go to just about any measures to achieve that weight loss. A good few of us slave away in the gym, pumping iron and pounding the treadmill for miles and endless miles whilst dreaming about pizza and beer – or is that just me? Others try to find the holy grail of personal fitness and weight loss, the quick and painless win. You will have seen the adverts on the various shopping channels – “just ten minutes a day and you too can have a body like Daniel Craig/Megan...

  • Eat Yourself Thin continues here

  • You want locking up for that!

  • 18th March 2011

  • A female chaplain working at an all male prison has been jailed following revelations that she had sex with an inmate. Now I know that the Lord wants all of us miserable sinners to repent and I perfectly follow that he works in mysterious ways but this?

    Apparently Jade Watson, a chaplain with the group, Church Army. (Sounds a bit too military for my liking and takes me back to when it meant more than just ‘team God’ but in fact meant killing other folk because they had a different hairstyle to yours and believed different stuff.) The Church Army is...

  • You want locking up for that! continues here

  • News in Brief

  • 16th March 2011

  • Will that be petrol or diesel?

    Given the price of petrol these days you could be forgiven for only filling up your tank half full. Would still set you back fifty notes or so, But a woman in Germany must be made of money and a nutter at the same time as she filled up the BOOT of her car at a petrol station in Walsleben at the weekend.

    Dozy drunk Lisa Mauerer, was stopped by cops after putting the petrol nozzle into her boot and pressing go... That reminds me of a night of passion I once had in Shefford. I...

  • News in Brief continues here

  • My booty is a beast!

  • 10th March 2011

  • I like big booty and I cannot lie! So goes the song but it seems that women are also now convinced as to the merits of a large derriere. Hot on the heels of the many stories of women self injecting silicon into their rear in order to get a J-Lo style butt has been followed by the release of a swimming costume that enhances the ass... deliberately. What happened to women asking “Does my bum look big in this?”

    This new one piece swimming costume is called ‘The Booty Suit’ (clever pun on ‘booty’ and ‘beauty’ don’t you think?) and...

  • My booty is a beast! continues here

  • The price of going steady...

  • 9th March 2011

  • Anyone doubting the excellent value to be had from a visiting escorts service should think again. New research shows that it costs the average man a staggering three thousand pounds to get a ‘steady’ girlfriend. I put ‘steady’ in inverted commas because I’m not sure what a steady girlfriend is, mine all keel over from drink but there you are.

    No, it’s true; three thousand smackers will need to be spent to cement their special bond between the two of you. What happened to equality? It always seems to go out the window when it comes to paying for drinks...

  • The price of going steady... continues here

  • The Search for IWD

  • 8th March 2011

  • It’s International Women’s Day today. I know this because Annie Lennox has been on television promoting it in an advertisement. When she first appeared in the ad I thought cool, she’s wearing an AIDS t-shirt, this will be an appeal on behalf of the many hundreds of thousands of poor, unfortunate people in Africa who are suffering from this terrible disease. But nope, actually she was promoting the little known, by me, International Women’s Day.

    I did some research to try and find out a little more. (I find Annie Lennox irritating in a pop stars like Bono want to change...

  • The Search for IWD continues here

  • Burnt Toast? Nah, it's the face of Elvis

  • 4th March 2011

  • Why is it when some ghostly apparition is spotted in a holiday snap is it always identified as the Virgin Mary? Why isn’t it just some ordinary ghost that’s out and about for the day? It’s like with burnt toast – if some mysterious face peers out from the blackened breadcrumbs it’s immediately said to be a picture of Jesus. Is he the only one who ever wore a beard? Is this really how our Lord chooses to manifest himself to the faithful? Or is it just tabloid newspaper editors who have a fixation on all things holy? To be...

  • Burnt Toast? Nah, it's the face of Elvis continues here

  • We can rebuild you...

  • 3rd March 2011

  • I read this weekend about ‘spray on skin’ to be used on the battlefield. Apparently boffins have found a way to repair skin tissue using an old Hewlett Packard inkjet cartridge and some super glue. No, I’m only joking, about the super glue, though in fact inkjet technology is part of the solution apparently. Basically it goes like this. Following a computer scan of the injury a ‘printer cartridge’ style device containing the basic cellular matter of skin and other needed proteins applies the mixture to the wound. These cells build up over the wound providing a battlefield repair which...

  • We can rebuild you... continues here

  • Living Life in the Fast Lane

  • 2nd March 2011

  • Some good news at last! I read today that government bods are looking at raising the speed limit on our motorways to an incredible, heart stopping eighty miles an hour. Living in England I didn’t even think the human body was capable of withstanding such speeds and the associated g-forces! Only joking, it’s just that we always seem to be behind continental Europe. Loads of countries across Europe have at least a seventy five or eighty miles per hour speed limit. The original speed limit here was set in the sixties when it was an amazing thing if a car...

  • Living Life in the Fast Lane continues here

  • I'll be the judge of that

  • 28th February 2011

  • When you think you’ve heard them all... Judges in Sweden have been given lessons in poker to help them to adjudicate over a gambling case in the country’s capital, Stockholm. What next, lessons in drug addiction before sentencing an addict to rehab and six months in the poke? Drunk and disorderly? I can see it now, “get that down your neck m’lud, lovely jubbly bubbly, go on, down it in one. Oh and don’t forget that line of tequila shooters, the Drambuie and the Vodka. And I expect you to drink the vodka through your eye socket like the youngsters...

  • I'll be the judge of that continues here

  • The Domesday Scenario

  • 23rd February 2011

  • Very soon you will find on your doormat a census questionnaire, in the tradition of the Domesday book we will be once more asked to reveal all about ourselves so that national statistics can be produced to demonstrate this, that or the other. For example did you know that according to the two thousand and one census there are over forty two million practising Christians in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland? Forty two million! Surely that cannot be accurate though it is perhaps placed in context when we also over tens of thousands of Jedi’s.

    The census...

  • The Domesday Scenario continues here

  • Kiss me Kate

  • 22nd February 2011

  • The see through dress as worn by Kate Middleton in a fashion show whilst she studied at St Andrews University has been put up for sale on eBay. The see through creation caused quite a stir when photographers were published in a number of tabloid and broadsheet newspapers following Kate’s engagement to Prince William.

    The dress is a strapless number, with a turquoise fringe interlaced with a blue ribbon tie and a narrow turquoise band around the top. The see through fabric is a sheer black lace with an intricate pattern. It is a close fitting and highly revealing garment.

    It’s expected...

  • Kiss me Kate continues here

  • News Shorts

  • 18th February 2011

  • Beauty and the Beast


    Now I’m a little uncertain whether this story deserves an even wider mention than it has had already, or even that I want to write about it, or even that you will not be so disgusted and repulsed by it that you won’t want to read it. But I can’t help myself, I simply have to tell you about the grandmother who had sex with her pet dog and even went so far as to pose for a snap mid-coitus.

    Forty two year old grannie, Paula Mangan was snapped whilst at it with the family Rottweiler – brave...

  • News Shorts continues here

  • Fembido to the rescue!

  • 16th February 2011

  • There can hardly be a man alive who isn’t aware of the wonder that is the ‘little blue pill’ (or pink if the stuff I bought in Thailand is anything to go by). Viagra revolutionised the sex lives of many a man experiencing a little bit of trouble in the trouser department. Erectile dysfunction is the most terrible thing that can happen to the male of the species, worse than having you limbs amputated one by one without anaesthetic. Worse than having to drink red hot liquid gold through a straw. Worse even than having to watch the Eastenders omnibus....

  • Fembido to the rescue! continues here

  • Breakfast at Tiffany's with Marilyn Manson

  • 14th February 2011

  • An Impossible Celebrity Couples site was featured in the news last week. The idea is simple, take a modern day celebrity and team them up with a star from an earlier age. The trick is to find expressions, clothes and people that match. It’s a very interesting view. The photographs have appeared on the site BuzzFeed dot com, a site whose raison d’être is to: “feature the kind of things you’d want to pass along to your friends: an outrageous video that’s about to go viral, an obscure subculture breaking into the mainstream, a juicy bit of gossip that everyone...

  • Breakfast at Tiffany's with Marilyn Manson continues here

  • Valentine's Day Massacre of my Wallet!

  • 10th February 2011

  • The tyranny that is Valentine’s day fast approaches us once again. What, you say? Tyranny? It’s the most romantic day of the year when all and sundry realise just how much their other half means to them.  You must be kidding I say! Consider this – once a year you send a card to say you love someone. That’s romantic? I don’t think so. If you aren’t standing in the street serenading your beloved every day of the week then you are just playing at romance as far as I’m concerned.

    And as for commercialism! Jeez, you better be saving up...

  • Valentine's Day Massacre of my Wallet! continues here

  • Her Last Tango

  • 9th February 2011

  • The actress most famous for a scene involving butter died this week. Maria Schneider of the infamous Last Tango in Paris was still in her fifties. French Schneider was embroiled in controversy when she appeared naked and in various taboo busting scenes in the movie, including one scene where butter is used to enable non standard sex to take place. Co-star Marlon Brando had only thought of the scene moments before filming and Schneider later said she felt wrong about it and that she was manipulated on set. The nineteen seventy two movie was actually banned in many countries, for...

  • Her Last Tango continues here

  • Groundhog Day

  • 4th February 2011

  • This week the fabled and celebrated Punxsutawney Phil the Groundhog emerged from a hole in the ground in the area of Gobbler’s Knob (yes, really) Punxsutawney and made a decision with far reaching consequences.  The tradition is this - if he emerges from his hole and sees his shadow then Pennsylvania will have a long winter (at least another six weeks of snow), if he doesn’t then winter is all but over.

    The good news? Phil didn’t see his shadow so the threatened six weeks of snow will not materialise.

    The bad news? Phil gets it wrong 60% of the time.

    The whole...

  • Groundhog Day continues here

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