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Erotic Adventures

Burnt Toast? Nah, it's the face of Elvis

4th March 2011

Why is it when some ghostly apparition is spotted in a holiday snap is it always identified as the Virgin Mary? Why isn’t it just some ordinary ghost that’s out and about for the day? It’s like with burnt toast – if some mysterious face peers out from the blackened breadcrumbs it’s immediately said to be a picture of Jesus. Is he the only one who ever wore a beard? Is this really how our Lord chooses to manifest himself to the faithful? Or is it just tabloid newspaper editors who have a fixation on all things holy? To be fair, when it isn’t Jesus it’s another king, Elvis that’s featured.

The tea leaves left at the bottom of a cup making a strange shape? Oh, it’s Elvis performing at Vegas in the mid seventies with trademark spangled suit, big hair and boots singing “I wish I was in the land of cotton.... look away... look away... look away...Dixieland...”

Strange face at a window – female, oh it’s The Virgin Mary. Though if I’m being totally fair if it’s an English castle or country home the spectral visitor is usually identified as a maid or an aristocratic ‘lady in white’. It’s just that when it’s outside in the woods then it’s suddenly the Virgin Mary. It seems to me that she’s not so keen on appearing in an urban setting but is happier with the great outdoors.

The latest example is the photograph that has appeared in the press recently of an apparition of a ‘woman’ on the cliffs above Newquay Beach. It’s the Virgin Mary, obviously, though nobody seems to know why she’s chosen Newquay beach to reveal her beloved self. She’s carrying a lamp or it could be a large stein but the papers all seem to have settled on it being a lamp. Clearly the idea that alcohol could be involved wouldn’t go down that well with believers around the world.

The photograph was taken by a Caroline Gray. Her husband Stephen commented “It looks like the Virgin Mary.” Now I’m not trying to be argumentative Stephen (Oh yes you are, Ed.) but how do you know what she looked like? I guess you have seen Hollywood’s ‘The Greatest Story Ever Told’? You have? Oh, right then, it definitely is the Virgin Mary.

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