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Erotic Adventures

It'll be alright on the white!

31st March 2011

In “The Man in the White Suit” made in nineteen fifty one Alec Guinness plays brilliant scientist Sidney Stratton who stumbles across a new type of fabric, one that will never need cleaning. However, rather than welcome the technology both management and workers see it as a threat to jobs and profits, and try to block its use.

The science fiction of this story seems to be getting increasingly closer to fact as the years pass. In the papers at the weekend there was a story about a new fabric which completely eradicates sweat. The fabric features various membranes or layers, each with a specific job to do. One layer rapidly dries any moisture whilst another simply doesn’t allow moisture to stick, repelling it away.

Amazingly this technology comes cheap enough for you and me to buy clothes using it! Department store Marks and Spencers are selling shirts featuring the technology which completely resolve the underarm sweat problem that can plague executives ahead of a stressful meeting. The shirts retail at under forty pounds and are sure to fly off the shelves like the proverbial hot cakes!

Mind you, if there was any equality at all in respect of dress codes then this shirt wouldn’t be needed. Women are allowed to attend work in far more comfortable and often casual clothes. No suits, no ties, no belts and brogues... Why do me have to dress under such rigid and fascist rules and regulations? I want to be able to wear bright colours, open necked shirts, Dr Martin boots. I want to get in touch with my feminine side and express myself through fashion. I want to dress like a busty escort (that’s enough, ED.)... Ok, but don’t get me started on equality!

In case you’re interested, the upshot of ‘The Man in the White Suit” is that it wears over time, with the material literally falling to bits at the end of the movie when he is being chased by mill owners and workers alike. However, the ending does offer a glimmer of hope – Sidney when looking at the notes from his various experiments simply says “Mmm, I see...” before raising his eyes to heaven, as if to say I know what was wrong with the formula and next time I will get it right!

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