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Erotic Adventures

News in Brief

1st April 2011

I’ve had just about enough of these goddam snakes on this goddam plane!

In an example of life imitating art a man attempting to smuggle over forty live snakes on to a plane at Jakarta airport in Indonesia has been arrested. The suspicious looking dude was stopped at check in and a quick examination of his carry on revealed a mass of Pythons, reminiscent of the Samuel L Jackson movie – Snakes on a Plane!

Al Fresco Frolics

I have always wanted to have sex outdoors but have never achieved this simple goal and at last the reason is clear, I’m a city dweller. A survey has discovered that over sixty per cent of country folk have enjoyed a rumpy pumpy romp outdoors! I’m moving to the country right away, get ready ladies!

Sink me!

Hayns, the company who brought you technical manuals for family cars have just launched a Titanic edition depicting the ship in the minutest detail. Not sure where you can get the spares though...

Go Mr Compare!

The fat opera singer with the ridiculous ‘tache from the telly is all set to rival Lady Gaga with the release of his first album. Annoying thirty nine year old Wynne Evans who fronts the most irritating ads on tv (have even been voted the most annoying two years’ running!) has hit number one in the classical charts with hit single ‘A Song in My Heart’. Fans of old movies will no doubt recognise this as an old Mario Lanza classic. I still love watching Lanza in ‘The Great Caruso’ biopic, fabulous! Whether Mr Go Compare will reach the same heights as his idol time will tell.

Going Dutch

In a sign that the times they are a changin’ women across the land have begun going Dutch on a first date. Apparently sixty per cent of modern women are more than happy to split the bill a poll has revealed. I don’t know where they get these folk who do the surveys. In my experience I have shelled out on every date I’ve ever been on!

Essex Escorts

Serving the entire region including Grays, Harlow, Ilford and beyond you can rest assured that you will receive only the very best levels of service from us. Our beautiful English Escorts will quickly have you enraptured of their charms and a seriously fun time will ensue. Give us a call for a prompt, discrete and reliable service.

Fuel prices

The incredible generosity of the government in not adding an extra penny to a litre of fuel looks to have been a waste of time – many garages simply put up the price at the pump a day before the budget then reduced immediately afterwards...

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