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Valentine's Day Massacre of my Wallet!

10th February 2011

The tyranny that is Valentine’s day fast approaches us once again. What, you say? Tyranny? It’s the most romantic day of the year when all and sundry realise just how much their other half means to them.  You must be kidding I say! Consider this – once a year you send a card to say you love someone. That’s romantic? I don’t think so. If you aren’t standing in the street serenading your beloved every day of the week then you are just playing at romance as far as I’m concerned.

And as for commercialism! Jeez, you better be saving up well in advance! You pay for a card. Great. But that’s not enough, no, not by a long shot. There has to be flowers and chocolates too. And you can’t buy those special flowers from just any old place. You have to buy them from a florist! This is very important so men, take note, filling the motor and using any spare change left over to buy a few dyed petunias at the local petrol station just won’t cut it! Chocolates can’t be any old chocolates either – a bag of revels will not adequately demonstrate the depth of love that you have for your sweetheart. It has to be Thornton’s or some such.

And then there is the Valentine’s meal. The biggest rip off in the history of rip offs. What normally goes for little more than a tenner is suddenly twenty, champagne is obligatory and the price has leapt from thirty pounds for the House Champers to fifty quid. Then you are meant to feel grateful when you are squeezed into the smallest cranny in the most unfashionable part of the restaurant where you are elbow to elbow with the other poor unfortunates who also dared to brave the cash crisis that is Valentine’s dining. Two hundred notes later and does the love of your life appreciate the effort and the expense. I don’t think so. Not going public transport mate, no tube for the Queen of Sheba - nope it’s a taxi and be done with it.

Personally I will stick to the no obligation world of visiting escorts. These girls are determined to make YOU have a great time! Go ahead, treat yourself this Valentine’s!

However if you do feel obliged to take out your other half for a bite to eat and are determined to do the whole Valentine’s thing but you’re a bit strapped then I suggest you buy the card from ASDA and you choose one of those pubs you see on every high street where you can get a burger meal that comes with pint for a fiver a head. Job’s a good un!